So I want to be honest about where I’m at in my journey. A couple of months ago I picked up a book my husband has purchased I have no idea when, he hadn’t been reading it but for some reason it was sitting out. This was I would say shortly after the time I made the decision to go vegan (a choice you will never regret). The book is called Nutrition for Intuition by Doreen Virtue and discusses the root chakras, intuition, nutrition for the mind, body , and soul along with an overview on different types of meditation and chakra healing meditation, she discusses crystals and energy and the vibrations they carry, along with the vibrations we carry.
I finished the book and was still “hungry for more” so I went to the library and Hard To Find Bookshop (my favourite little knowledge bank) and purchased me some knowledge (and then went back for seconds..Ok I basically have a huge pile of books I’m halfway through). Before you ask, no I haven’t joined some religion or cult. Many famous scientists and inventors have theories about past lives, intuition and higher knowledge/ high being. I’m not using the word God as to me that is associated with religion and that is not what this is about nor where it is going. I’m talking about the Universe and the energies it holds, and the higher beings out there in realms most of us cannot fathom, though some of us can connect to. Those that can connect to this realm are on a higher vibration level and have either been born that way or have trained hard in many ways to raise their vibration levels to a point where they can make that connection, whether it be clairvoyance(through visions), claircognizance (through thoughts), clairaudience (through sound) or clairsentience (through feeling/emotion).
A common theme in the books I have been reading is the energy you put out in the Universe will dictate your path in lives. I have been “managing” depression and anxiety for ten or so years now but if you still have to manage it on a constant basis just to survive, it’s not really managing. My life has been a collection of dark and light but with depression you cannot see that light. To even think you could appreciate your own being is a thought that is impossible. What is easier is to let the mind bully the soul. To feed yourself negativity is like spoon feeding yourself cancer.
So there I was spoon feeding myself poison in my thoughts not allowing myself to bring any opportunity or gratitude in my life. Making all the wrong choices and getting upset at why they didn’t work out. Wanting to die and wanting it all to stop. Unable to find peace and unable to find balance.
Everything has had to go wrong for it to start coming right. Now I have started making changes like going to therapy, changing my diet, balancing exercise, connecting with nature, not allowing negativity to override my life and to force positivity in my life. At first positivity is like an unwelcome roommate in my mind. So used to the old ways and my old roommate negativity, we were good at picking out the flaws, we were great at getting angry. Me and negativity got on like a house on fire. But the lease was up and it was time for negativity to leave. So long negativity, you will not be missed.
Me and positivity are still getting to know each other on a personal level and I can’t say it’s an easy process. Learning mindfulness and learning the root causes for my problems has been fantastic at easing my depression and anxiety but I guess the feeling is like I have gone from reverse to neutral. I’m no longer going backwards but I’m not fueling myself with enough positive thoughts to move forward. A common theme I am being told by therapists and the like is to be kind to myself, write good things about yourself. Write it so you can visualize it. I’ve been feeling stuck as to what to write about myself as that is where a huge block is. Finding the good in others is easy. Finding the good in myself is extremely difficult and a blockage that needs to be cleared in order to move forward and get out of neutral. So I’m taking the advice of an amazing lady I met, and “If you can’t find the words, use someone else’s.” At least for now, I can grab a positive affirmation and copy it out each day, and to visualize it. Soon enough I my confidence will grow to put pen to paper on its own and write something that positively true and what I need to hear. The focus for now is to let positivity manifest and make it feel at home. Let words heal. They did enough damage, let’s try it the other way now. Nourishing a healthy mind for me is difficult, but in no way impossible. Daily meditation has brought my anxiety levels right down to the point I can stay calm an entire car ride (huge anxiety trigger), and lately (last couple of weeks) throughout the entirety of the day also. If at any point I do start feeling anxious I am mediating or doing yoga.
So if you have any questions or comments on what you would like me to blog about next around these themes please let me know in the comments, otherwise I will let me intuition guide me.
Today I am grateful for guidance.